Hair Match

Hair Match
Album	Beat the Champ
Released	April 7, 2015
Length	3:28
Previous Track	"The Ballad of Bull Ramos"

Hair Match is the 13th song on the album Beat the Champ. It also appears as the 24th song on the 2021 live album The Jordan Lake Sessions: Volumes 3 and 4.

Lyrics

You'll be maybe lunging for the bad guy’s hip
No one anticipates the sunset flip
The referee and your opponent will hold you there
And we're gonna bring in a folding chair

We'll stipulate that there will be no cameras filming
But of course there will be several in the building
And if by chance somebody hits "record"
And stands real still somewhere back behind the soundboard

Cheap electric razor from the Thrifty down the street
Two guys down around your ankles so you'll stay put in your seat
Buzzing razor held aloft and just about to strike
I loved you before I even ever knew what love was like

Some people leave before it's over, but most of them stay
Some hide behind their programs, some turn away
Out in the parking lot you look up at the stars
And all the cheap cars

Comments by John Darnielle About this Song

• "...the question of the identity of the narrator in 'Hair Match' is maybe my single favorite thing about the whole album, and kept me inspired throughout the writing of it ('Hair Match' was the first song written of the bunch)..." -- John's Tumblr
• "It was the first song written for the album & the one that pointed the way" -- Twitter
• "But easily the most Greek of them all was the hair match, that, uh, in which the loser had to have his head shaved in front of an entire witnessing audience. Again, there's nothing sexual about any of this [audience laughter]. It's just like any normal athletic contest..." -- 2021-09-26 - Musikfest Cafe - Bethlehem, PA

Live Shows this Song Was Played at

• 2021-04-19 - The Jordan Lake Sessions - Pittsboro, NC
• 2021-08-26 - Royal Oak Music Theatre - Royal Oak, MI
• 2021-09-23 - The Queen - Wilmington, DE
• 2021-09-26 - Musikfest Cafe - Bethlehem, PA
• 2022-08-30 - Webster Hall - New York, NY
• 2023-02-08 - The Ramkat - Winston-Salem, NC
• 2023-02-09 - Elevation 27 - Virginia Beach, VA
• 2023-02-10 - The Birchmere - Alexandria, VA
• 2023-02-11 - The Loud - Huntington, WV
• 2023-02-15 - Mickey's Black Box - Lititz, PA
• 2023-02-17 - Musica - Akron, OH
• 2023-09-19 - Brooklyn Made - New York, NY
• 2024-01-18 - Neighborhood Theatre - Charlotte, NC
• 2024-01-19 - Saturn - Birmingham, AL
• 2024-01-20 - Chelsea's Live - Baton Rouge, LA
• 2024-01-21 - Revolution Music Room - Little Rock, AR
• 2024-01-23 - The Blue Note - Columbia, MO
• 2024-01-24 - Tower Theatre - Oklahoma City, OK
• 2024-01-26 - Lowbrow Palace - El Paso, TX
• 2024-01-27 - The Liberty - Roswell, NM
• 2024-01-28 - El Rey Theater - Albuquerque, NM
• 2024-01-30 - 24 Oxford - Las Vegas, NV
• 2024-01-31 - Rialto Theatre - Tucson, AZ
• 2024-02-01 - Orpheum Theater - Flagstaff, AZ
• 2024-04-19 - The Stiefel Theatre - Salina, KS

Videos of this Song

• 2021-08-26 - Royal Oak Music Theatre - Royal Oak, MI