Golden Boy

Golden Boy
Album	Object Lessons: Songs About Products
Released	1998
Artist	the Mountain Goats
Length	3:16
Next Track	"Grenadine" (The Scene Is Now)

Golden Boy is the first song on the compilation Object Lessons: Songs About Products. It was re-released on the compilation Ghana. It also appears as the 32nd song on the 2020 live album The Jordan Lake Sessions: Volumes 1 and 2.

Lyrics

You must try to lead a good life
You must do unto others as you would have them do
So that when you die you'll find Golden Boy peanuts
Waiting in the afterlife for you

There are no Pan-Asian supermarkets down in hell
So you can't buy Golden Boy peanuts
There are no Pan-Asian supermarkets down in hell
So you can't buy Golden Boy peanuts, yeah

If thine enemy oppresseth you
You must let him oppress you some more
So that when you go shopping in paradise
You'll find those magnificent peanuts from Singapore
With the drawing of the young Chinese farmer
The eastern sun behind him smiling at you from the shelves
If we want to spend eternity in happiness
Well, we're gonna have watch ourselves

You must give to the March of Dimes
You must be on guard against wickedness at all times
And you will find that your efforts have brought you great joy
When your spirit is munching on that Golden Boy

There are no Pan-Asian supermarkets down in hell
So you can't buy Golden Boy peanuts there
But the streets of heaven are lined with shells
And there's billboards of the Golden Boy everywhere
There are no Pan-Asian supermarkets down in hell
So you can't buy Golden Boy peanuts
There are no Pan-Asian supermarkets down in hell
So you can't buy Golden Boy peanuts
Go!

Comments by John Darnielle About this Song

• "It's a rather stupid song." -- 2006-08-22 - Amoeba Music - San Francisco, CA
• John Darnielle discusses Golden Boy on Tumblr
• "Many people have observed (people do). It’s pretty awesome, like I will sing about something and people say, “Does that exist?” It existed, for sure. And they will devote a lot of time and energy to trying to determine if it still exists anywhere. There are no Golden Boy peanuts left in this world as far as anyone can tell. But if I can just get spiritual with you for a moment, the song says that in hell—hell, the place of eternal suffering and torment, the place where no happiness can be found—that’s the place where no Golden Boy peanuts are. But it’s also been further observed that we now all, you and I, your parents, your friends, your enemies, strangers, all live in a place where there are no such peanuts." -- 2020-02-20 - Swedish American Hall - San Francisco, CA

Live Shows this Song Was Played at

• 2006-08-10 - 40 Watt Club - Athens, GA
• 2006-08-22 - Amoeba Music - San Francisco, CA
• 2009-02-25 - Swedish American Hall - San Francisco, CA
• 2009-03-24 - Pearl Street - Northampton, MA
• 2009-06-14 - Zoop II - Farm Sanctuary - Watkins Glen, NY
• 2009-12-02 - Seven Second Delay - UCB Theater - New York, NY
• 2010-05-16 - BreastFest - American Theater Company - Chicago, IL
• 2010-06-13 - The Slowdown - Omaha, NE
• 2011-04-12 - Mr. Smalls - Millvale, PA
• 2011-10-29 - A Haunted Hot Tub Halloween - Littlefield - New York, NY
• 2011-12-16 - Troubadour - Los Angeles, CA
• 2012-06-23 - Columbia City Theater - Seattle, WA
• 2020-02-20 - Swedish American Hall - San Francisco, CA
• 2020-10-29 - The Jordan Lake Sessions - Pittsboro, NC
• 2024-01-18 - Neighborhood Theatre - Charlotte, NC
• 2024-01-24 - Tower Theatre - Oklahoma City, OK
• 2024-01-28 - El Rey Theater - Albuquerque, NM
• 2024-08-07 - Elevation 27 - Virginia Beach, VA

Videos of this Song

• 2006-08-22 - Amoeba Music - San Francisco, CA
• 2009-02-25 - Swedish American Hall - San Francisco, CA
• 2010-06-13 - The Slowdown - Omaha, NE
• 2011-04-12 - Mr. Smalls - Millvale, PA
• 2011-10-29 - A Haunted Hot Tub Halloween - Littlefield - New York, NY
• 2020-10-29 - The Jordan Lake Sessions - Pittsboro, NC